A bad day or a bad ass? You decide

Celebrity gossip website, The Frisky, put out a list last week of 14 celebs who are jerks in person. The list was based on the personal experiences of journalists who work on the site. Naturally, a list like this intrigued me.

Some of the names were what you would expect. Jennifer Lopez is a bitch? Not exactly shocking news. Bill Cosby is condescending? I was pretty sure of that already. Danny Glover is a jerk? Bobby’s been hankering to get in a fist fight with that guy for years. Constantine Maroulis from American Idol is a douche? I believe it. In fact, I’m pretty sure all the American Idols who got their fifteen minutes and then missed out on Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood style fame and instead got stuck doing things like playing the Teen Angel in Broadway’s latest rival of Grease (yes, I’m talking to you Taylor Hicks) are probably pretty angry and obnoxious.

So the list seemed pretty real and I believe that the journalists who had problems with the celebs really did get a hard time from them. Living that kind of entitled lifestyle probably makes even the nicest person act like an ass once in a while. That said, I was sad to hear that Ludacris is a dick and I hope it was just an off day for him. I appreciated that he always warned everyone to watch out for his medallion cause his diamonds were reckless and I felt empathy for the pain that he must have endured when it felt like a midget was hanging from his necklace.

I also really hope Nicole Ritchie isn’t a total bitch. I’ve always really liked her and thought she seemed sort of real for someone living a life that is so unreal to most of us.

There are two celebrities on the list of dicks who I have actually run into in real life.

Henry Rollins sat next to me and Bobby in the Rio Grande in Bethesda years ago. We didn’t talk to him but we shared the same really crappy waiter and we giggled watching how mad Rollins got when he constantly had to wait what seemed like hours for his ice tea refills. He was performing that night in DC and we considered trying to get tickets just to see if he came out on stage and said “This song is about the really horrible service I had at the Rio Grande today. It’s called ‘Asshole, I’m thirsty, bring me my fucking ice tea!’”. I don’t think being thirsty and anxious for a beverage refill while eating spicy food makes you a jerk. It was actually kind of funny. So I’m going to reserve my judgment on Henry. Under the gruff exterior, I think he’s probably a really good guy.

I have heard stories before about John Cusack being a real life dick and I’ve always ignored them because the time I met Cusack, I did everything possible to make him act like a dick and he never did. It was the summer of 1991; I was fresh off major pancreas surgery and looking good. My friend Nancy and I went out for drinks at RJ Bentley’s in College Park, MD. Since it was summer, we weren’t expecting a crowd and had just gone there because her dad was part owner and we were poor. All of a sudden, I see this guy across the bar that looks totally familiar to me and Nancy. I am sure we know him but I can’t place him which I attribute to how drunk I am.

So I walk up to the guy and say “I’m Molly and I know we know each other – did you go to St Mary’s?” The guy laughs and says no. I’m like “well, are you from Annapolis?” Again, he laughs. I am relentless and ask his name. He says “John”. I’m all like “John. Hmmm. I know a lot of Johns. What’s your last name?” He smiles and says “Cusack”. Nancy is about to pee her pants. I am still clueless. “Cusack. That sounds so familiar. John Cusack. I know I know you. Holy Shit – YOU’RE JOHN CUSACK”.

At this point Cusack (who is way taller and broader than I expected) and his friend try to quiet us down and tell us that they’re trying to keep a low profile (Cusack has a beard) so could we please keep quiet about them being there. We’re like, oh sure, and I have a whole conversation with Cusack where I can’t remember anything he’s been in but I blurt out “I loved your sister Joan in Working Girl!” I could not have been more of a tool. Good thing that pancreas surgery had helped me lose 15 pounds from everything but my chest or I’m sure he would have walked away.

Anyhow, I decide that I have to buy him a drink but before I buy it, I want to see his driver’s license so I can make sure I’m not “buying a drink for some John Cusack impersonator”. Yes, I carded Lloyd Dobler. And yes, he was legit. When I get up to the bar there is a line and no one is letting me cut so I just shout out “Excuse me, but I’m trying to buy a beer for JOHN CUSACK and he’s right over there!” Everyone stops to look at Cusack who grabs his friend, says good bye to Nancy and bolts. Hours later when Nancy and I stumbled out and walked past The Vous, Cusack and his friend were in there drinking. The friend yelled “there’s the girls who chased us out of Bentleys” or something like that. We just kept going.

My point in telling you this whole long John Cusack story is that any celebrity who could be that nice to someone as drunk and stupid as I was that night, cannot be a total douche. No matter how many times I hear that Cusack isn’t nice, I will just keep assuming that like all of us, he has had some bad days and on his good days, he’s the guy we all want him to be. His former BFF Jeremy Piven, however, I think may be a real live douche. But that’s just speculation.

The thing about deciding who is a jerk and who is an angel is that it’s pretty subjective. Everyone gets grumpy. Maybe you had to interview someone on the day his dog died or he stubbed his toe really bad or he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Some days I wake up feeling like being a bitch and I have to fight it to be nice because when you spend all your time with small children being a bitch doesn’t really cut it. Some days are harder than others for everyone. I’m sure if I became famous there would be people lined up wanting to tell you what a jerk I am. And those people would be wrong about me. I hope some of the people who had bad experiences with Rollins and Luda and Ritchie were wrong, too. And until it’s proven otherwise, I’m staying objective.