Bad Santa

Neal: “Honey, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine”
Susan Page: “Hello Mr. Griffith”
Del: “Hello Mrs. Page”

Those are the last lines uttered in one of my very favorite holiday movies, the 1987 classic written and directed by John Hughes, Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I’m a huge sucker for this kind of film because while some may think the ending is cheesy or cliché; I think it’s perfect. During the holidays, and really all of our days, this is what life is supposed to be like.

Annoying, frustrating, difficult.

But despite all of that, we’re supposed to be able to find a way to see the good in the people around us, even the ones who test us the most. And if we’re lucky enough to have the chance to bring those people into our lives and help lift theirs up then we’re supposed to do it. That’s what I believe the holidays are about. Forgiveness, empathy, compassion….and usually a lot of drinking because, really who can be that good and not need a way to take the edge off a little?

Planes, Trains and Automobiles gets the holidays exactly right. And leaves you wanting to snuggle the people close to you or call the ones who have strayed far. It certainly paints a much warmer picture of the way this time of year is supposed to make us feel than another old holiday classic. That’s right, I’m talking about the 1964 Television Special known and loved by all, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

We watched it for the first time this season yesterday because Mac wanted to see if Charlie would be scared of the Abominable Snow Monster and I had the same reaction I do every year…damn, that Santa is a dick.

He’s mean to Rudolph, he’s rude to Mrs. Claus and he’s just nasty to the elves. I know he redeems himself by bringing the toys and all but I’m having a hard time getting behind this guy the way Rankin and Bass portrayed him.

I get that Rudolph has to face adversity but the minute the poor reindeer is born his parents take one look at him and spout out familiar phrases like “He has a shiny nose!” or “You might even say it glows” as if the kid has three heads or something. His nose is red, is that really such a big deal? He can talk moments after being born and at the reindeer games he flies better than anyone else – the kid is some sort of prodigy, but all anyone in Christmas town can talk about is his red nose? What a bunch of shallow assholes we have living at the North Pole. The coach of the reindeer games actually says to the other young deers “all right now, we’re not going to let Rudolph play in any more of our reindeer games”. That’s a real nice example of adult maturity and acceptance. No wonder poor Rudolph has to skip town.

And let’s not forget the way his BFF, Hermie the Elf, is treated. Is it really so bad that the guy wants to be a dentist? I mean, for crying out loud, with all the candy canes and junk those elves are eating they NEED a dentist. They should be psyched someone is showing an interest in saving their little teeth. But instead they treat poor Hermie like he’s some kind of freak. Real nice place that North Pole. Remind me never to go there.

So Rudolph and Hermie set out alone to find a more tolerant place to live and where do they end up? The Island of the Misfit Toys. These poor toys just want a kid to love them and no one will. Are you telling me there isn’t a kid out there who wouldn’t want a Charlie in the Box? Are kids that obsessed with the name of the guy jumping out of the box? I don’t think so. I just think that the staff at the North Pole, starting with Claus himself, have such bad attitudes that they don’t bother looking for a home for toys that may be a little different from the norm. I call that lazy. And unfair. The Island of the Misfit Toys always makes me cry.

So as we all know, Rudolph, Hermie and their pal, Yukon Cornelius end up saving the reindeer from the Abominable Snow Man, Hermie pulls out all his teeth and Yukon reforms him so that he can get a job as a goofy toothless hairball who puts stars and angels on the top of the Christmas trees. Everyone realizes how they misjudged the red nosed reindeer and the dentist, but no one really apologizes. They just sort of begrudgingly admit that maybe they were a little hard on them. A little hard on them? You ran them out of town and those guys still came back and saved Christmas, what with the Snow Monster reforming and the sleigh guiding and everything. Couldn’t they have gotten a little more of an apology? And shouldn’t Santa have apologized to everyone for setting such a bad example of holiday good will? Every time I watch this movie I am sad when it’s over. And it’s the bad kind of sad. The kind where I feel like, why are people such assholes?

As opposed to the tears I shed at the end of each viewing of Plains, Trains and Automobiles, which are the tears of someone happy to know there are people like Neal and Dell in the world. And yes, I know they’re imaginary, but John Hughes had to have based them on someone. At some point in his life, he had to have been touched by the goodness in people and he put that in to his characters and they in turn lived on to touch all of us.

So this year, at Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the people who lead by example and show me that there is always a little bit of good in the real world, you just have to look for it. I’m sure you have people like that in your life, too. People whose gestures – great or small - have made the biggest differences to you. Be thankful for the Page family and all those families who have taken a lost soul in, instead of chasing one out because it’s those real people, not Santa Claus, who make the holidays happy.