Bad Girls Club

Saturday night we had a get together at our house to say goodbye to my bestie Holly who is moving to Los Angeles in a little over two weeks. Several of Holly’s nearest and dearest brought their kids, kids I had never met before, and one of them had the hots for Mac. Not just a little crush – the full on hots.

Now Mac has a way with the ladies, so watching little girls flirt with him, and him flirt with them, is not something new to me. But this girl had moves that no six year old should have. At one point Bobby and my friend Denise, whose much more innocent daughter Fia was feeling a bit left out, caught the girl jumping on Mac, yelling “kiss me” and then proceeding to dry hump him. What’s dry humping? Basically sex with your clothes on. The ultimate tease move. It scared the crap out of me. Luckily, it also scared the crap out of Mac who I think may now consider the priesthood.

The whole thing got me thinking about kids today. Something I know I think about a lot but how can you not when you have some little stud in the making fighting off aggressive Bratz wannabes in your basement? Isn’t it supposed to be the girls fighting off the boys? When did the roles switch on that one? I thought it was supposed to get easier for me as my boys got older. As long as I raised them to respect girls there would be nothing to worry about. Apparently things have changed. Big time.

When my mom died in 1997 and my dad started dating, he gave me horrifying details about the women he went out with and how strong they all came on to him. My dad hadn’t had a date since like 1966 so it was only natural that things had changed a little. But the stories he told me implied a lot more change than that. And hearing how about it in regards to your dad is only slightly worse than worrying about it in regards to your son. Gross.

Friday night Bobby and I went to a social event for Mac’s nursery school at the home of some other parents. It was a really nice party with a lot of people. Some we knew, some we didn’t. One of the women we didn’t know walked in on Bobby in the bathroom. Oops. We’ve all accidentally walked in on someone at a crowded party so no biggie, right? Except for usually when that happens, you look away and run out. This woman stopped and lingered – checking my husband in all his urinating glory out. Sure, Bobby is obviously a stunning specimen and she was probably drunk but we were at a Catholic School social event. Are you kidding me? When did the whole world go all Mary Magdalene on me?

Luckily on Saturday, Mac’s little pal Fia wasn’t willing to compete with the little harlot for his attention. And in the end, she was the one who spent the night over here and played with him all morning on Sunday. And when we talked about the party later Mac went on and on about how he wished Fia could spend the night every weekend and didn’t want to talk about the other girl at all. I think that’s a lesson to all the tramps out there. Whether it’s my son, my dad or my husband…..you’re outta your league and no amount of dry humping is going to get you in.