Angels and Devils

Mac’s teacher recounted a cute story about him where apparently all the little boys were telling her how nice she is and Mac gave her a big smile and said “Yeah, Mrs. Wooten, you’re as nice as a crab”. She thought it was so sweet and funny and had to share it.

I thought it sounded suspicious so I asked him “Mac, are crabs nice?” to which he responded “no” so then I asked “well, if crabs aren’t nice, then why did you tell Mrs. Wooten that she is as nice as a crab?”.

A huge smile came across his face as he looked me in the eye and explained
“I didn’t say she was nice as a crab, Mom, I said she was nice as crap”.

Ah, yes, that sounds my like my child. Big brother of the little devil who grabbed the heavenly host out of the Priest’s hand as he was giving me communion on Sunday and yelled “I want the Jesus!.” That wasn’t embarrassing – or a one way ticket to hell – was it?

The behavior of my sweet little ones has me thinking “what’s wrong with kids today?”

There was an incident at an exclusive all-boys private school near where I live that involved boys setting up a “fantasy sex draft” where they each picked girls from other local schools for their “fantasy team” and gave their teams really vulgar names like “the south side slam pigs”. Then they threw parties inviting girls from their teams and earned points for “scoring” with them. Are you kidding me? Who are these kids and how can they possibly think acting this way is acceptable?

A couple of days after reading about this incident in Bethesda Magazine, I watched School Ties on cable and pictured Matt Damon’s obnoxious prep student character as one of the fantasy sex draft boys. Could it be that elitist schools produce assholes? Possibly, but assuming that all kids who go to those sorts of schools are dicks is as bad as them assuming they have the right to step on other people so I’m not going to go there.

Is it because technology has turned kids into maniacs who think they’re above the law? The texting, the sexting, the overload of information on the internet – maybe it’s all too much.

Is it because their idols are all idiots who are in and out of relationships, trouble or jail on a daily basis? And the ones who haven’t gone to jail are just stupid. Have you heard that ridiculous Ke$ha song where she samples “there’s a place in France, where the naked ladies dance?”.

That’s like me writing a blog where I spend the entire time quoting “there once was a man from Nantucket”. It’s bad enough she spells her name with a dollar sign and wakes up in the morning feeling like that loser P Diddy, but now she’s bogarting my dirty childhood limericks as song lyrics? And kids look up to this tool. No wonder the youth of today is going down the crapper.

My kids have the cutest little faces and exhibit the absolute worst behavior in town. Mac bounces off the wall, pouts, shows off and apparently uses foul language when speaking to teacher’s – though in his defense he’d heard his Dad say “as crap” and didn’t realize that crap means poo so lesson learned there, I hope. Charlie looks like a little angel – an angel who is filled with crazy rage. Lucifer, perhaps? I don’t think there’s been an angrier angel than that guy, right?

But the thing is as “bad” as my kids are – and trust me they are pretty bad – it’s all kid stuff. Inside they are still sweet and innocent and desperate for everyone’s approval. So how do I keep them from changing? How do I keep the core of goodness in my children from being overtaken by their obviously devilish nature? What makes some kids turn out like Taylor Swift and others turn out like Lindsay Lohan?

I’d like to say it’s the parents (yes, Dina Lohan, I'm talking to you) but I’d hate for anyone who sees me carrying a raging Charlie over my shoulder to judge me so I don’t know. I guess all we can do is keep trying and pray the best parts of their little souls will win out. The battle between good and evil is a tough one but if anyone is up to a fight it's my kids. Go Mac & Charlie!