Fairytales

When I logged onto Facebook yesterday morning, I felt a collective swoon from all my female Facebook friends (and even one male friend which was kind of cute!). The Royal Wedding. I think everyone worldwide who watched it today would agree that Kate Middleton is flawlessly beautiful and so poised. And she seemed genuinely giddy with happiness, as did her Prince. So I get why millions of people have fallen under the spell of Prince William and his bride. I'm just not one of them.

Don't get me wrong. I think she seems like a lovely girl. And I think Prince William may not be The Handsome Prince, but he is certainly The Charming one and if you can't have both then sometimes that's the better catch.

I remember watching his parents wedding with my mother when I was a little girl. My mother idolized Diana. Her style, her charisma, her obvious good nature....everything about Diana was fascinating to my mother. I thought Diana looked scared and sad on her wedding day. And I thought Charles looked serious and mean and not very cute. My mother was devastated when their royal marriage broke up. I, on the other hand, was not shocked. I'd known from across the pond via network television at the age of eleven that he didn't love her. I never bought the fairytale.

And that's why I have a hard time buying into this one. It's a different story, of course. William and Kate have been together for seven years. They know each other well. And they really seem to love each other. Unlike his father on his wedding day, William looked overjoyed to see his bride. So to paraphrase Carl the Groundskeeper, "I guess they've got that going for them - which is nice".

The thing is I think there is so much stacked against them - especially for her. This is William's destiny. He knows nothing else. But Kate was a regular girl. A girl who was bullied by mean girls in boarding school because she was shy and nice. A girl who loves fashion (and who wouldn't with her body, right?) but also loves privacy. The loss of privacy almost killed Diana. It turned her bulmic and anxiety ridden. It drove her years after her divorce from Charles to race from the still relentless papparazzi to her death. I hope the loss of a normal life is easier for Kate. Or better yet, I hope she and William find a way to have periods of normalcy in their very public life the way he did as a child with his mother.

I got married in front of 86 people. And having those 86 eyes on me was almost more than I could take. I can't open presents in front of people. And unless I'm giving a speech about someone or something else, I hate everyone looking at me. People find this strange because in the small circles where I am comfortable, I am quite the extrovert...especially after a few beers. But in reality, I am painfully shy which is why the idea of having to walk out on a balcony in front of the whole world and kiss my husband seems like the worst idea ever. But for Kate it must not have seemed so bad because she looked pretty smiley up there.

I watched Diana's funeral on TV with three of my best friends. We were at the beach for a girls' weekend during a time when my life was falling apart. As we watched it and I gave them the gory details of what was happening in my personal life, I dubbed myself "Queen of Disaster" and said "well, at least it can't get any worse". Don't ever say that because when you do, it gets much worse. A week later my mother was dead.

When I look at William, I can't help but think about our mothers. I was 27 when mine dies. He was only 15. I still struggle daily and, honestly, not always so gracefully with that loss. William seemed to get through it and honor his mother in such a loving and graceful way. I'm sure today she is so proud. But I'm also sure she worries. Even from heaven. Knowing the pressures of a royal marriage; how could she not?

The morning my mother was buried it rained. My brother told me before we left for the funeral that he had only spoken to me the last ten years because our mom made him and he would never speak to me again. My dad gave us mints in the limo and told us not to cry during the ceremony. I felt completely alone. And then we all stood around my mother's casket in the cemetery, I looked at the people standing there to honor her and towering above all our short, Irish friends was Bobby. Tall and strong and wearing sunglasses in the rain because even though he didn't know her, he knew what a loss she was to me. And I knew I would be okay because I had found my Prince. For me, that was the most romantic moment of my life. There was no crown, no coach, no throngs of crazed fans. Just a look, between me and the person who would be there for me forever. A look he gave me on the saddest day of my life that parted the clouds and gave me a glimpse into the future. And that, my friends, is no Fairytale. It's happily ever after.