We're Back and badder than ever

Seems after Joe Lies and I joined our old blog (http://bestworstthings.wordpress.com/) all the other writers slowly began to quit for suspicious sounding reasons like “my real job is too time consuming” or “I’ve gotta make wedding plans”. I know, they sound made up to me, too, but I've got to believe them because otherwise it looks like we drove our writer friends away and that can't be true! So a few weeks ago when the writers dwindled down to just me and Joe, we decided to pull up stakes and start our own blog. And here it is.

As anyone who has read us in the past or who knows us in real life is aware, Joe and I have A LOT of opinions. And we’re pretty much always right. In a world, with so much wrong, how could we not share our every passing thought with you? And now we have a forum where we can do more than just say anything, we can say EVERYTHING. So after two weeks of silence from me, here are a few of the many things I’ve been waiting to get off my chest.

Has anyone else noticed that ABC is now promoting the Jimmy Kimmel Live show with the logo JKL? Doesn’t this remind you of the Matthew McConaughey “Just Keep Livin” brand? Unless Jimmy Kimmel has started playing naked bongos (and honestly, other than Ben Affleck, who wants to see that?), I think he needs to find a new show logo.

If you’ve been watching 90210, am I the only one who is wondering why when Lori Loughlin introduced Kelly Taylor to her hot yoga instructor, Kelly didn’t recognize him as Cliff, the fireman who saved Donna Martin when she twisted her ankle trying to save a baby deer during the brush fire at David and Mark’s house during season seven of the original series?

And speaking of the new 90210, Kelly Lynch is Ivy’s mom - some kind of day drinking, former groupie, record producer? So am I to believe that after Coughlin took his own life at the end of Cocktail his wife headed for LA and got knocked up with a little surfer chick? And was this before or after she became a man because for someone who was supposedly sexy in the 80s, she really went the way of Kathleen Turner and let out her inner dude.

Over the weekend I saw Hot Tub Time Machine, and let me tell you, it rocks the Casbah. And after an evening spent in the mall where a young girl in the Sunglass Hut compared me and my friend, Fissy, to her mom and then we had a run in with some teens carrying around fake babies for a school project, being transported back to the 80s was exactly what I needed. If you haven’t seen it yet, throw on your “where’s the beef?” tee shirt and get yourself to the theater.

Person I’m hating right now….you know there’s always someone I want to punch, right? Well, at the moment, the person I’m gunning for is that horrible woman from Tennessee who sent the little boy she adopted back to Russia on a plane by himself because it didn’t work out. Are you kidding me? He’s your child! No, you didn’t give birth to him but, if you see a difference between giving birth and adoption then you shouldn’t have been allowed to adopt in the first place. My kids can been total devil dogs but never does it cross my mind to consider getting rid of them. Maybe the boy had some emotional issues, but then you get him help, you don’t send him away. And now Russia might revoke the US’s adoption privileges, which is so sad for the children and the parents who would have made happy families here. I have two friends in Tennessee and Aileen & Julie, if you see that bitch, please slap her for me.

Person I’m loving this week – Phil Mickelson. I’ve been pretty disgusted lately with all the stories about Tiger and Jesse James and Tiki Barber and Garcelle Beauvais’s skunk husband. I mean, who do these guys think they are? And why can’t anyone be faithful anymore? And then this past weekend, my faith was restored, not by that idiot Tiger, but by Phil Mickelson, the Masters champion, who I have to admit I have made fun of over the years for being goofy looking. Here’s a guy who has been dealing with the breast cancer of the two women he loves most, his wife and his mother, and when he won, all he really cared about was having his family there. He hugged his wife and thanked her and made me believe that the rich and famous can actually be decent, loving people. Way to go, Mickelson. It’s nice to finally turn on the TV and see what a real man looks like.

These are just some of the many things I’ve been waiting to say to you during our short hiatus. Feel free to comment on this blog and say everything you’ve been holding in. And check back on Friday when my pal Joe Lies will say everything about what it’s like to make out in the backseat with your much younger girlfriend, or something like that.