Infected By The Sound

In the last few weeks I've been followed by crazy sounds and images. I'm not sure if they are a problem to the rest of the world, but they are certainly bothering me. My frustrations are all over the map. I don't know how else to express them other than jumping right in. These are in no particular order. I find them all equally ridiculous.

Tea Party People

First off, I'm not talking about their politics. Their platform, while crazy, isn't my gripe. My problem is that they seem so pathetic. I thought it was a large group with all the noise they make, but it turns out it's just pockets of nerds in a field wearing Colonial hats and jean shorts. I didn't even realize they still made jean shorts, but the tea party people have proven me wrong. It's high fashion in their world. I also can't believe their name. Could anything instill less fear than a tea party? They seem to like the name which makes them even goofier. I just wish they would go back to the fringes where they belong. They were more frightening then, and frankly, more interesting.

Bulletproof

Have you heard Bulletproof by La Roux? I don't know what to make of it. On first listen it seems like a song sent from the 80's. A lot of electronics and keyboards. Something about the song made me uneasy, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Later that day, I heard the song again and I almost went into a seizure. There is something about the singers voice that jams me up. It makes me think crazy thoughts. The chorus won't leave your head. It's insidious. It may be what evil sounds like. I think those people that blame music for having the devil in it are looking at the wrong stuff. Ozzy Osbourne and Gwar aren't the problem. It's La Roux. That song could make someone homicidal. It's dangerous. It also made my teeth fall out. That can't be a good thing.

Click this link Bulletproof to hear song. Listen at your own peril.

The Outdoors

The other night I went into work and it was a really nice day. At least three different people asked me if I had gotten a chance to enjoy the outdoors. I don't understand this question for one reason...What is there to do outside? Besides playing a sport or going to a sporting event, I rarely spend time outdoors. There's nothing to do there. I heard that people hike, or take walks, or sunbathe. I don't do any of those things. I find hiking pointless, walks even more pointless, and I have a tremendous fear of the sun. I spend a small fortune every summer on sunscreen just to play golf. One person told me they garden. Good for them, but that doesn't help me. I will never garden. I guess I could eat outside, but then you're inviting bugs to your meal. And when it's hot, I kind of prefer to not sweat or watch others sweat while they eat. That's just a small quirk of mine. I would like to be a person that spends more time outdoors. I sometimes drink beer outside at a tailgate or rooftop bar. Does that count?

Sports Jerseys

This trend has been going on for a while, but it's really starting to make me wonder. Why, when grown men are going to a pro sporting event or to a bar to watch a game, do they wear a replica jersey of a player for the team they are rooting for? I don't understand this at all. I get it when children do it. They idolize these players. I also don't mind it when women wear them because it looks kind of cool on them and it can be hot. Good stuff. But men? It's like they are high school girls wearing their boyfriends jersey. It baffles me. And a lot of guys do this. I don't know how it became acceptable, but I think it looks ridiculous. Luckily, I've never seen a friend of mine do this. That's probably why we are friends. Similar sensibilities. But when I see strangers wearing them, it takes everything I have to not make fun of them. I'm glad I can keep it in check because a lot of these guys are much bigger than I am.

Hot Tub Time Machine

I saw Hot Tub Time Machine the week it came out and loved it. This movie is tons of fun. It doesn't take itself seriously and just lets the audience enjoy. A real rarity in film these days. It's funny and pays homage to a lot of John Cusack movies from the 80's. It's actually nice to see him in something that isn't ultra serious or a crapfest like 2012. It takes Cusack a little time in this movie to get his comedic sea legs back. Don't worry, he finds them, but Rob Corddry and Craig Robinson handle the load until he does. My problem isn't with the movie, it's with the United States of America. How on earth is this not the biggest film of the year? It's hilarious, fun, it has Crispin Glover and a mustachioed William Zabka(he played Johnny Lawrence in the Karate Kid), and a Hot Tub Time Machine. It's awesome. Yet right now Clash of the Titans(132 Million), The Bounty Hunter(60 Million), The Last Song(50 Million), Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married(54 Million), and Alice in Wonderland(324 Million) have made more money than Hot Tub Time Machine(42 Million). It doesn't make sense. What happened to all the people that liked The Hangover? This movie is made for you. Maybe people are scared off by the title, although I think Hot Tub Time Machine might be the greatest title to a movie ever. I think the people of the USA need to get their priorities straight. Stop seeing geek fare like Clash of the Titans and go to a movie with some chops. Hot Tub Time Machine is playing in a theater near you. Do yourself and the United States of America a favor and go see it.

Hopefully things will start to make more sense to me. And when they do, maybe I won't feel the need to mock costumed political activists, Outdoor enthusiasts, Men who wear Jerseys, bad electronica that makes me feel crazy, and people who don't understand the brilliance of Hot Tub Time Machine. I hope that day will come, but I doubt it ever will. I'm sick. I'm infected by the sound.